hulled off to Kangaroo court at young peoples camp

As defense and prosecutor "Bill Loney" and "Terry Bull" marched into "court", followed by the Honorable Schmiedaheodt, a nervousness that I hadn't felt for a long time began to nibble inside of me. I was sure that my poor husband Adam would be hulled up to kangaroo court and be punished with the most embarrassing punishment. I knew the lawyers and judge well. Too well. 

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After we had arrived at young peoples camp on Friday, Adam told me that he had forgot to pack his onderbroekjes.  Horrified I told him to keep quiet about it or he would be punished at kangaroo court. This year, the counselors responsible for kangaroo court were my cousins and nothing would slide past them- not even the fact that kangaroo court is for the campers NOT the counselors. On Saturday Adam's problem had not been resolved and he decided to announce it (against my wise advice) to the rest of the counsellors. After Adam took some ribbing, another guy said that he could help Adam out. I felt slightly relieved but I knew that Kangaroo court would be fast approaching and there was bound to be some good laughter at Adam's expense.

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It was about 1:30am on Monday morning and Kangaroo court was close to wrapping up. I felt nervous and whispered to Adam through the whole session that at any moment he might get called up to the front. 

To me Kangaroo court is just horrible. There is no other word to describe it. When I was a teenager, I behaved at camp and followed every rule not because I wanted to obey the fifth commandment but because I was so afraid of being punished at kangaroo court. The thought of being in front of a huge crowd of people and listening to a wimpy defense lawyer defend you was just about as embarrassing as whatever punishment would be given to you.

So it was that we had almost finished watching the humiliation of many campers when the prosecutor announced one more case. I poked Adam again. "There you have it Adam. You are going to be the next victim!" My face was already a deep red thinking how embarrassing this would be for my poor husband. And then... I heard MY name. "What!!!" my mind screamed. Before I could blink my bulging eyes, I was being dragged to the front and it felt like a thousand eyes were watching me. I listened to the prosecutor accuse me of something that I couldn't catch- my mind was racing and even with all of my will power, I could not focus. 

Me, the very one who detests standing in front of crowds was sitting there ready to face the most embarrassing punishment. It was a nightmare come true. A microphone was pushed to my mouth and I heard my voice say something, although I had no idea what. I turned around and looked at my two fellow counsellors sitting behind me. They were also my cousins that I had grown up with and enjoyed many wonderful memories. In fact we had even shared a room during that weekend.

 I pleaded with them. "Please no water." Yes there are a few things that I detest. Being in front of large crowds, microphones, and wearing wet clothes are the top three. My cousins just looked at me and smiled. Suddenly they didn't seem so nice anymore. Their grin had had an evil twist to it.

As I listened to my defense lawyer give some lame reasons of why I forgot to pack my husband's onderbroekjes, I was so nervous that I didn't even tell the court that this was a complete lie. Adam has always done his own packing. It was he who did this heinous crime of forgetting to pack his onderbroekjes. Instead I was the one sitting there in front of all of these people enduring complete humiliation. 

And then I heard the Honorable Schmiedaheodt smash down his rolling pin. He declared me guilty. 

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Movies portray stage fright with a crowd of people laughing at you; their faces blend into each other and loud sounds swirl around. Their voices seem louder than normal and everything moves in fast motion.

This is exactly what I experienced. I have seen nervous people madly chew their gum, their legs swing, and their sweaty fingers twist. I was determined not to let any of that nervous- looking body language happen to me, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not stop my top lip from quivering.

My punishment was read into the microphone and I felt my thumping heart start to do some kind of strange jump. For my punishment, I had to speak into the microphone and give an impromptu speech about packing. And here came the kicker. I could not use the words "um, like" and some others, (I forget the rest) or I would get sprayed with water by a massive machine gun that was pointed right at my face. Two grinning guys (with evil eyes) sat right across from me, their fingers on the trigger, waiting for me to make a blunder. The whole thing was a big blunder. I started to mumble something about packing when a burst of chilly ice water came blasting at me. That somewhat helped clear the hazy fog in my head  but it certainly didn't help me get the impromptu speech out of my lips. 

Finally my turn was done and I watched another cousin (who was also being punished), rapidly speak about packing. He had the crowd laughing and worst of all he looked dry. He whizzed through his speech.

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Later on as I lay in bed (I did not even attempt to pull an all-nighter with my energy being zapped from kangaroo court) sleep eluded me. My mind was turning with all of the things I should of said during my impromptu speech AND I was reviewing the seven step process of forgiveness towards Adam (!) There are some things that you should never tell to those who know how to play a good joke.

Lots of memorable moments!!