the dentist and the apology

It was time to make that call; a call that I dreaded making. Visiting the dentist was something that I managed to put off. Very easily. Too many hours of my childhood were spent restrained in the dentist chair trying to straighten my crooked teeth. I also avoided the dentist when I was pregnant and had a baby- which pretty much sums up the past ten years. Now with a painful, aching tooth I knew that I couldn't put off that appointment any longer.
This afternoon I found myself laying in the cold, sterile dentist chair. I told myself how great it felt to lay there and not feel one bit guilty for not moving. That warm, lazy feeling quickly vanished when I saw the dental assistant slip the dentist "the needle". I know that they try to make the pass so the patient cannot see the incoming needle, but there is no way to disguise something so long, sharp, and shinny. I closed my eyes and attempted to imagine myself gardening in a beautiful, blooming flower bed that was free of poison ivy. I was again jolted back to reality as my mouth filled up. I desperately needed to swallow but there was no graceful way to swallow with a big rubber thing forcing my mouth wide open. To top it off my right cheek was drooping in a lopsided way from the anesthetic. Staring into the mirror above my head I vainly tried to spot any runaway drool but the dentist's hands were in the way. Feeling vulnerable and embarrassed I resigned myself to the fact that it was going to take some pain and humility to rid myself of the tooth ache and receive a good cleaning.
I began to think of the ladies' bible study in our church. We have been studying "Pursuing Peace" by Robert Jones and the morning's discussion dealt with the proper and Biblical way of apologizing. This is the kind of apologizing that reflects wisdom and the author gave a list outlining the vital characteristics of an effective confession.

The "Seven A's of Confession"
1. Address everyone involved....The circle of confession must be as big as the circle of the offense. Consider who witnessed your sin and who has suffered because of your sin.
2. Avoid "if", "but", "maybe"...True confessions leave no room for doubt. By saying "if" you show that you really don't care how you hurt someone and your desire is to quickly resolve it in order to move on. "But" confessions fail to accept full responsibility and shift the blame by not taking ownership of the offense.
3. Admit specifically...Specific confession shows thoughtfulness, sincerity and sorrow. It sets a specific agenda for change.
4. Acknowledge the hurt...This means expressing sorrow for the way our sin has made life hard for the other person. You are not sorry for getting caught but instead you show regret for the hurt that my sin has had on the other person.
5. Accept the Consequences..This demonstrates our sincerity and shows the offended person that we are not asking forgiveness merely to avoid consequences. True repentance may require the repentant one to suffer the just consequences of his wrong choices. It might entail a loss of privileges or possessions and another consequence could be that the other person may be slow or even unwilling to forgive us.
6. Alter your behaviour...Explain how you intend to alter your behaviour. This involves being active in developing, voicing, and carrying out a plan to change our behaviour.
7. Ask for forgiveness and allow time...Asking does not mean demanding. Deep wounds are painful so allow time for the offended  to go to God asking for grace and wisdom.

I dreaded the dentist, just like I dread making an apology. I can put it off as long as possible, but the hurt will still be there, and the rot will only go deeper. I felt embarrassed and humbled as the dentist scrapped away the "bad stuff" and I listened intently as she gave me an action plan so that I could avoid this pain in the future. Apologizing demands humility and a heart determined to follow God's leading.
As I left the office, I felt lighter, happier, and relieved. A sincere apology can restore, revive, and replenish our relationships with God and others.

*the Seven A's of Confession can also aid us as we confess our sins to God
**"Pursuing Peace: A Christian's Guide for Handling Our Conflicts" by Robert D. Jones is a must read.