See these beautiful limosine cows...well they can run. Fast.
This year, before the drought began in earnest, we decided to plant hundreds of bushes in our back field for cuttings. We spent hours of hard, back hurting labour way out there in the field with the cows and pigs cautiously watching us through the electric wire.
Besides being active with our planting, we soon learned that the pigs in particular wanted to be active as they watched the gate for any chance that it would be open, and they would bolt out of the pasture and on to our lawn.
This happened...too many times...and it would take a great deal of burning in the leg muscles as we ran around in our rubber boots chasing them back. Pigs have the awful habit of scattering once they taste freedom leaving the pursers frustrated with the chasing.
On a beautiful Saturday in June, a family picnic was being held at our home. As we were eating our scrumptious pork on buns, someone shouted, "The pigs are on the beach!" Sure enough right before our eyes were the four pigs happily snouting their way through the sand.
Towards them chased the men and children, and the pigs did what they did best, they scattered.
One even managed to run through a true pig-farmers legs. Eventually we rounded them all up and secured the gate.
But the gate was not secure enough and the pigs knew it. We have heard pigs are smart animals and it proved to be true.
Three days later as the boys and myself were driving home, we came upon our driveway. Past the driveway, almost on the road, stood our 3 cows, a long distance from the field and the wide open gate.
I am ashamed to say but a word that I had put out of vocabulary years ago, (because its just better not say anything about poop), came squirting out of my mouth. I sped the van into the second driveway and yelled for the boys to get out.
With my dress and flimsy footflops on, and the boys in bare feet, we chased the alert cows through the tall prickly weeds.
Finally we reached the gate but to our great dismay our unsmart dog came upon the scene barking and growling away. The cows took off in a loud gallop.
The next few minutes are a bit blurry with my panic at the highest level. I made it back to the van and tore down the road hoping to catch up to these cows.
Around that time I had the horrible realization that the pigs must be out there somewhere too.
Even though math is a very weak subject, I quickly calculated the cows were worth far more money than the pigs. They had to be hunted down first. On top of that, with a busier road near by, it was absolutely crucial to catch the cows first before they caused an accident.
I drove up and down our road like a mad woman, staring down the long rows of grapes and orchard trees desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of these cows.
It was around this time I had the sudden realization I didn't know where any of my children were. Inside of the jerking van I yelled, into the air, "where are the boys?!!!"
"Here I am" came a small little voice from the back seat. And there was Caleb, trying to hold onto the roof handle, with white drool sliding down the corners of his mouth. He had gotten into my purse, stuffing every candy he could find into his mouth.
At this point, I forced the van at full speed into the neighbours fruit farm, along the rutted driveway. I pressed the horn with all my might, hoping they would all pop out of the barn ready to see what the great emergency was and totally ready to help with the chase.
Instead there was no one in sight.
I pulled out my cell phone and after numerous tries (shaky hands) I managed to get hold of Adam.
He heard loud breathing, a strangled and hoarse voice..."the cows....the cows...they escaped....HELP...come home!"
Now it was Adam's turn to speed down the roads.
It wasn't just the loss of the cost of the cows, it was the delicious beef that fed our family all year long, the full freezer, the realization that these cows could cause an accident. It was all overwhelming.
At this time I started to drive our van like an off road vehicle tearing down through the orchard lanes, hitting every pothole with loud thumps. Each bump would cause the pig food I had grabbed to come pouring out of its container covering the passenger side of the van.
I caught a glance of the pigs way out in a back field, eating the neighbours soy beans but still no cows, no kids except the kid in the back holding on to the handle for dear life.
I found myself back on the road again and spotted our Jamaican migrant neighbour out in the field with the tractor.
I jumped out of the van and furiously waved and jumped up and down. Finally some help. Spouting out something about cows escaping, I realized how crumpled and cooky I must look.
To my disbelief, the Jamaican refused to help telling me something about his boss being nearby. This was an emergency! I was so mad at him. I gave him a haughty look, and jumped back into my van/off road vehicle and took off to the other neighbours. I sped into their driveway with my horn blasting again.
The neighbour came running out, with a friend close behind him. "The cows!" I gasped. "The cows..I need help."
These men, in a calm demeanour got into their van and followed me.
I was frantic searching for cows and kids I couldn't find.
We decided to go back to homebase and met Adam also arriving at our driveway.
As we ran breathless to the back field, there stood Liam, calmly. The cows were in front of him, waiting to be led into the gate.
It was a sight to behold.
As I was panicked, running around chasing after cows I couldn't find, Liam had managed to round up the cows and lead them to the back gate.
Andrew came running up to us, "I was mooing my lungs out on that hill! It was my loud mooing sounds that made the cows come back!"
What relief!
Now for the pigs.
We jumped back into the vans and headed to the fields where I had last seen them.
With a scoop of food, Adam led the pigs through the back fields and along the rows of grapes while we used a stick or shovel or whatever happened to be long and sturdy and walked beside the pigs keeping them in line.
We walked through the back yard of my parents thinking that if the were home and saw this sight they would never stop laughing.
By this time I was toast, our neighbour and his friend had sweat chasing down their faces, but we were on our way home.
After the gate closed and we gave our sincere appreciation to our neighbour and his friend,
I headed back inside and fell flat onto the couch where I remained for the next two hours. Recovering.
