you know that you have poison ivy when...
1) when you are weeding in your garden, you repeat in your head "leaves of three; let them be" over and over again
2) your bathroom counter looks like a mini pharmacy with calamine lotions, q-tips, gauze, and benedryls.
3) you wake up a half hour earlier in the morning so that you have time to bandage yourself
4) when the children come to give you a hug and kiss good-night they look for a safe spot to touch you and then decide to squeeze your pinky
5) a truck driver asks you to sign the delivery papers and then insists that you keep his pen
6) the history of your computer shows the last 50 googles as being...
~help, I am going insane, I have poison ivy
~how does poison ivy spread
~how long does poison ivy last
7) when you wake up from your slumber in the middle of the night you panic and try to fall back to sleep. Too late you realize that it feels like you are being attacked by thousands of mosquitos. After laying there you decide to put a bit of calamine lotion on the worst spot. After trying to go back to sleep you get up again and put it on the next worse spot. This goes on and on until you realize that you should of just taken a bath in that stuff.
Sleep at this point is the furthest from your mind. You are concentrating hard at not scratching your body apart.
8) In the middle of the night you come up with silly rhymes such as:
Poison ivy is a dirty rotten weed
It spreads with just one little seed
I won't tell a lie
I wish that it would all die
Poison ivy is a dirty rotten weed
oh Kerri!! how awful!! you poor poor thing. I hope you feel better soon my dear!!
ReplyDelete(the guy insisting you keep his pen did make me laugh out loud though :) )
When I think of our vacation with you having it on your rear end and Dad having it all over his body, I almost break out in hives. Dad was pretty much insane, and you were coming a close second. I think that was the same year that Nate and Liam had a screaming contest all the way home - our car stayed in the left lane, hurtling past every car.
ReplyDeleteAgreed! Hope you get over it soon! :(
ReplyDeleteOh, you poor girl! The last thing you needed right now... But thanks for some good laughs! Someday you'll have a book full of your silly poems covering all topics from poison ivy to potty training! : )
ReplyDeleteOh, Poor Kerri! I feel your pain! We are battling poison ivy in our home too...James is COVERED from head to toe! He even has it in his eyes. He's been walking around with sunglasses on inside the house because his eyes are so swollen he looks like a baby mole! Poor guy can't pick up a pencil...his fingers are like sausages! We can relate to the horror! I hope your case dries up soon...so far, tea tree oil, pool water, Prednisone, and LOTS of Benadryl seem to be helping! Miss you guys! Hope all is well! ...OH, AND congrats on the baby on the way!
ReplyDeleteha! Thanks for the good laugh! I hope that you feel better soon...doesn't sound like fun at all!
ReplyDeleteLynnette
I heard today from a reliable source that the poison ivy is at its very worst this year simply because we didn't have freezing temperatures during the winter. It has spread everywhere. I am totally on the look out for it.
ReplyDeleteOn Sunday I was too embarassed to wear gauze everywhere but I paid for it during church. The poison ivy just kept on oozing. I had to find kleenexes and somehow dap my arms without it being too noticeable.
Kelly - what a joy to hear from you. Tell James that his
story made me feel a lot better:) We would love to see you again soon!
Kerri, your blog totally makes me laugh...Even though poison ivy is no laughing matter, you somehow make it a laughable matter:) HOpe you are feeling better soon, and congratulations on the pregnancy! Hope you aren't to sick this time!
ReplyDeleteTears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Your mom's comment above just made me laugh more!
ReplyDeleteEradicate the plant
Extirpate it all
Uproot the evil ivy
It drives me up the wall.
There's no good in it
I dare you prove me wrong
Itchy, puffy, red all over
Oozing far too long.
Ah, a world without it
I could walk barefoot and free
And take long hikes in forests
..and probably get stung by a bee.
Truth be told I'd rather see
a hive dance in the trees
then to ever pull a silly plant
and scream "oh no, leaves of three."